toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
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