Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
