Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
50% drunk capacity currently
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
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