Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
