but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
