So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
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