woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
