Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
