Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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