i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
