Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
