woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
