Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Randomize
