This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I'm sobbing to NWA
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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