Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
