Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
