i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
