How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
