what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
