I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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