My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Randomize
