Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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