____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize