had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
