You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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