Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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