ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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