Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
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