Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
