im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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