I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
