I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
