Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
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