I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
