Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
