Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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