Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
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