I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
