I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
