God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
