After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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