From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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