There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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