Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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