I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
