we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
