Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
You need Xanax blowdarts
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
