for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
