i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
