Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
