According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
They have beer where we have blood.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
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