never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
