WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
