can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
