Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
