Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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