you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
