Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
