It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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