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• (302): View more from Delaware

  I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course

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• (818): View more from California

  wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom

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• (586): View more from Michigan

  I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.

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• (512): View more from Texas

  I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.

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• (410): View more from Maryland

  It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.

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• (613): View more from Ontario

  Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww

  (1-613): View more from Ontario

  no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call

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• (402): View more from Nebraska

  Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?

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• (917): View more from New York City

  M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.

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• (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....

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• (240): View more from Maryland

  I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't

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• (847): View more from Illinois

  Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands

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• (406): View more from Montana

  We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.

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• (516): View more from New York

  People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.

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• (443): View more from Maryland

  PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.

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• (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.

  (713): View more from Texas

  You always say the most romantic things

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