I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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