I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
