Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I wish there were birth control emojis
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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