sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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