I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I licked your asshole in confidence.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize