i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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