The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
