How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
