make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
