the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
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