I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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