Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
