come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
