If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
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I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
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You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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