I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
