and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Randomize
