I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
