I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
