Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
