i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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