Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
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I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
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My vagina is officially offended.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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