Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Randomize
