Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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