8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
